Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize