a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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