she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
