Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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