Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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