So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
