that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The beer is more important than you right now.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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