the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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