i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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