Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize