Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Another day, another engagement, another cat
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
