He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
