i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
