Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am spending my child support on dildos
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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