So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We smell like vodka and hangover
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