I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
