Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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