Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
