Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
