I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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