shes about as inviting as chlamydia
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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