Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
