I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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