just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
