Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
