You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
