I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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