i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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