I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
