you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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