i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
