You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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