I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
