Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
3 2 1 whiskey
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
