Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
