her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
40s are totally the cure
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
