just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
