Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize