she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
