I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
