bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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