He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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