there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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