when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
