Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
