Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
