My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there's paper in my vomit.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
