im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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