I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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