I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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