He disabled his match.com account in front of me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
