Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
