I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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