you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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