I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
