Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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