You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
