i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
