Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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