I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
