I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
