This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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