ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
there was a trapeze. enough said
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
So. Much. Porn.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
