I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
