Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
