What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
