please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
